The wandering soul of the dragonfly monk

A lot has happened since I last wrote on my blog and perhaps the reason why I have not written anything is because I am playing catch up with time and trying to sort this “elephant in the room” out. I have struggled to write recently, mainly because for me to write I need inspiration and as of late I have not been inspired and nor have I experienced any magical feeling.  It’s been hard to write, especially when it feels like I am a dog chasing my own tail. I recently discovered a few things about me, like how I fear ‘conflict’ which for me means ‘instability’ which then takes me back to personal painful life experiences. That explains a lot about me especially how I carry myself and how I interact with people. A recent training that I was part of, allowed me to remove all these layers that I had considered part of me. I didn’t realize how much hurt and pain I was carrying, hiding and ignoring. I also feared being seen as a big ‘softie’, I didn’t want to be deemed wea...

(p.s: this is my personal rant about my ‘hit & miss’ with my sexuality and attractions) Aaahhh!!! What have I done?! I have opened Pandora’s box and would definitely get some reactions to this statement alone and would also receive (unwanted) comments, but this is the truth- I’m not a lesbian but my girlfriend is. To even explain this to the many who have questioned my sexuality and attraction has become an energy draining, time consuming, quite frustrating and irritating moment(s). I have found myself in a “head nodding” game   (to see how many times I nod when I disagree with an opinion without going all kung fu panda with them). This is often done with a smile (and a tonne of patience) of trying to understand the other person’s perspectives and simply listening (and slowly zoning out) to their explanation on my sexuality and ‘what I am’, ‘how it will be’ and it’s ‘just a phase’.   Don’t get me started to even talk about my attractions and connection...