The wandering soul of the dragonfly monk

“The heart is capable of sacrifice. So is the vagina. The heart is able to forgive and repair. It can change its shape to let us in. It can expand to let us out. So can the vagina. It can ache for us and stretch for us, die for us and bleed and bleed us into this difficult, wondrous world. So can the vagina. I was there in the room. I remember.”   ―   Eve Ensler ,   The Vagina Monologues Yes you read that right…I said, ‘lets talk about my vagina’, or perhaps, let me say- lets talk about your vagina or rephrase that, and say, lets talk about vaginas.  When was the last time you said, "vagina"? Do you even say vagina? how often have you used it while having sex (or not)?- perhaps not that often right...i mean, you might say its not sexy enough, or that it may not have that edgy sound to it.  It reminds of this quote, “ It's a totally ridiculous, completely unsexy word. If you use it during sex, trying to be politically correct-- "Darling, c...

“My child- I will find you. I see you smiling in the rays of sunshine- I see you sliding down the rainbows. I see you! In whatever form you come- you have become one with my soul and heart” (Spending time with these beautiful children- Agent Orange Rehab Centre Vietnam. photo: Victor Sapar) I close my eyes and I imagine tiny fingers, tiny nose and chubby cheeks. I imagine tiny hands gripping onto mine so hard they don’t want to let go. I imagine their mushy wet lil’ lips all over my face especially when they kissing their ‘momma’ with so much love. I smile, I feel all ‘chummy’, I feel immense love and immediately in ‘awww’ mode. I stop. I tell myself, “Come back to the real world Veen. Pull yourself together. It’s not impossible!!!” Tears stream down my cheeks, as I open my eyes, my heartbreaks, I feel a tight knot in my tummy- it hurts and then I slowly massage it. Purse my lips, thumb moves closely to my lower lip (a sign of nervousness and a...

My uninvited, rude and disrespectful guest- Endometriosis What if, what if what we see is all we got?   Did I keep some fire hidden away in my heart to keep me fighting to each surprising day? Things have gotten real with us...oh yes it has! One day, I woke up and you were there, and you never did want to leave. You are my mystery one, my painful guilt of a regret, you are my painful dream of you and me. Our hate relationship has lasted longer than most of those 'love relationships' i have had with soulful souls.  Did I make God unhappy, is that why I have, ‘endo’? Perhaps God knew me better than anyone else and perhaps gave it to a selected few that could perhaps handle it with 'style' and continue to look for the brightness at the end of the dark tunnel of this disease. To die beneath the veins and my body wasting away to the pain that embodies this disease and once and for all to look at ‘endo’ in the eye and say, I welcome you, I thank ...