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Each time death visits me, it brings along a friend- grief.

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  Death: the silent and peaceful twin of life and love   Each time death visits me, it brings along a friend- grief . This pandemic has brought me closer to darkness- not in the traditional sense of how one would associate the ‘feelings, emotions and the actions’ connected with this word, but rather openly welcoming it into my life, acknowledging it and for the first time in years allowing it to stay and be at peace with it. Some of you may not be able to understand this or grasp how one can feel this- but maybe one day I truly hope you can feel what I feel and maybe when that happens, we can chat more about it. In the meantime, I will try and share how ‘grief’ and ‘death’ visited me. The past year and this year have dished out a number of deaths our way- way too many I tell you! but that is the cycle of life, of reincarnation and death. Last year, I lost a dear friend of mine, a dear soul that shared his magic with me, and I hope I shared some magic with him through the life
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She died again today

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Today she died Last week it was that young woman- This month it was a friend’s colleague Few months ago it was a friend's niece                                                   Few years ago it could have been me Early this year it was a distant relative  3 years ago it was a dear friend 6 years ago it could have been my mother 30 years ago, it was my namesake. When will we do something? When will we stop saying," It's none of my business"                                              ”You made the choice"                                                "it’s normal" When will we step in? When will we intervene? Why do we pretend it's not happening?                                                             Even though we see the bruises                                                                                We see her crying                                                                                
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What's in a name?

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"Confused, I drink out of both. Why should it matter if a stream of cool, refreshing water pours into my mouth or another?" Margarita Engle, Enchanted Air: Two Cultures, Two Wings.  "Viii-naii-nahh, ummm Veeninaaa, Viniana, Vinai-na Kalokalo", as the teacher struggled to say this name while i looked around confused to see who this person was.  As i looked around, i also wondered how familiar those names were.  I knew too well that that's not how you pronounce ' that' name- you really had to stress all the syllables. That was perhaps my first realisation of the stigma and insecurity this name carried.  Unlike most of the population, i was born with a different name and different identity.  I was born during a time (and still live in a time)  that is full of racism and hatred. As someone who is of mixed ethnicity, it has always been a struggle -  it wasn't about fitting in but rather a struggle to belong. I think that's been
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My dearest Fred

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"Tears are words that need to be written." -Paulo Coelho My dearest NLB They say that time will bring healing That these wounds will become scars That with time Grief becomes happiness Pain becomes strength I wish it was easier to accept  But time did not bring healing ~pain remains ~grief is ever so present ~while pain is just that - pain I am still angry at the world I am angry I, on many occasions, imagine, imagine, what you would be doing now would you still be flying with the birds? I imagine our conversations  would it still be the same?  would we still have a lot in common? would we still view the world the same way? I am angry  I am selfish because your passing was sudden I find it hard to accept I am angry That you were not able to see the world I am angry  that we didn't get to witness more of each others happiness and sorrows I am angry  that you are not here I am angry
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Depression

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What does it feel like to be happy? To smile from the heart and the eyes? To not fear the darkness To only see it as a shadow- behind you where it belongs To no longer live a life Filled with lies. What does it feel like to be amongst sunshine and dandelions? Does it make your heart happy and light? Does it? Does it take away all the pain and just like rain… Wash away all your tears and do you finally say, ‘ I am fine’? They said it was easy When you are happy, to not have a care in the world I think they lied They should not dabble with ‘make beliefs’ Because each day a part of me dies Time flies With each sunrise and sunset A ray of light stops shining And I take a step back A step back to where nothing grows My heart stops pining My emptiness attract Just like the river, loneliness flows Darkness My heart You can see It in my eyes Loneliness lives Breathes I can never be free
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Its all in the head they say

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"and here you are living, despite it all" - Rupi Kaur “About a third of my cases are suffering from no clinically definable neurosis, but from the senselessness and emptiness of their lives. This can be defined as the general neurosis of our times.”  ―  C.G. Jung When was the last time you checked on a friend or a family member to see if he/she/they were doing ok?  I am aware that the more i get in touch with friends or family the more i realise that we are all struggling with our sadness and depression alone.  I have come to realise that we are surrounded by many sad individuals than happy ones.  At least 4 out of 5 people i know, are sad and depressed. In this week alone, i have been told how they are struggling to just live. I also am aware that i am struggling with energies and auras.  Many might be thinking that all i write about is the 'sad sappy sook' stuff. Why am i not writing about the 'happy stuff' ?! Well the truth is that we al
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I am Saying NO

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My lifestyle has always been a work in progress. I try to be the best version of myself. Sometimes I fail but that doesn't stop me from trying. This year, I am saying NO to the following: 1. Purchasing of clothes, shoes, jewelries and books. 2. Clutter 3. Processed food 4. Takeaway containers, cups and straws. 5. Not buying frozen meat especially chicken. I am saying YES to the following: 1. Healthy living 2. Organic and fresh food 3. Minimal lifestyle 4. Reducing carbon footprints 5. Reuse and recycle 6. Making more homemade jams, chutneys,  dips, oil, and spice mix. 7. Kindness, peace, faith, love and patience 8. Reading I will try my best to do the following: 1. Use of organic and eco-friendly makeups (I only use lipsticks, eyeliner and mascara ). 2. Buy less packaged products. 3. More gardening 4. Clearing of items and material possessions that no longer serves it's purpose. 5. Stepping away from toxic people and relationships. I am excited about the
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