Rainbows are not magical and beautiful if its on your skin

“…How does one speak of violence when their own story of violence is invisible in their own lives…she woke up black & blue and the next morning it was a different hue…who knew rainbows are only visible when your back is against the sun…”

(N.B: I do what I do because of the anecdotal stories I have somewhat summarised below. It is this pain and anger that fuels the fire inside of me…I will continue to do what I do...till I am no more).

“…Many refuse to talk about their stories of violence because of the stigma and discrimination. Some are simply not comfortable talking about it. Some are scared. I have shared some stories below to shed some light to how real violence is to many…the stories below I must say have been difficult to talk about- though painfully written and shared and experienced- the stories shared below, are of women who managed to escape...they painfully lost a great deal, but they are warriors- they are rebuilding their lives, they are stronger than they ever thought- for some It took more than 30 years and some took close to ten years to finally let go. Having said this, it still pains me to know that I have lost loved ones to this and I know of some who are still in this cycle…”

"...Her worst memory of violence was when she was 7 going on 8…she was hiding under the house (old country style house that had stilts), she felt her head and hair getting wet, she figured it was water, she wiped her face…it felt thick and it tasted funny…it wasn’t like water…she realised it was blood…she was covered in her blood. She quickly climbed the high ceiling roof. She saw her…she was left to die. She was unconscious- she thought she was dead. She was naked. Lay beside her was a 4X4 piece of wood taken from her wardrobe with nails still intact on that wood.  She was left to die. That was his way of showing her that she belonged to him and only him..."

"...Just to keep him shut and stop being jealous or stop him from beating her up…she would undress herself…lay on the bed with headphones…he raped her…that was the only way he would not bruise her or break her bones…little did she know…she broke her…she no longer existed…she died the day he raped her…he took her soul. That was his way of showing that she belonged to him and only him..."

"...She had a lot going on…she was sad about her painful health life and struggle to have children…her mind was too fast for her own good…they had a heated argument. He hit her. She was shocked…asked him why he hit her…he laughed like a ‘hyena’ and said, ‘ its ok- I hit you coz I see it in the movies’- this is from a man who was pursuing a PHD on non-violent resistance.  She blamed herself and continued to find excuses in her actions for his behaviour..."

"...She woke up in the middle of the night, just to find her pants removed, him on top of her…naked. “What the fuck are you doing?” she screamed! He said, ‘I am turned on- I want to have sex with you, so i am- you are so hot right now and the way you were sleeping and the shape of your body turned me on. You asked for it, he said.

She burst into tears, and ignored what he did to her that night- she pretended it never happened. She closed off that memory. It never existed, till it happened again! She blamed herself and continued to find excuses in her actions for his behaviour..."

"...He had access to her passwords, bankcards and work details and phone. He knew her schedules and daily plans. Each time he took her to the doctors, her dosage of pills increased. Most of her life with him was drugged- she was heavily medicated. She hardly saw her friends. She only had him to rely on. Each time she spoke to her counsellor, he would too- and her pills would immediately change and increase and she was a guinea pig. Till one day a new doctor who knew nothing about her- picked up her medical folder she gave her 5mins to take copies of her file and she was told never to return because she was not supposed to be there. She was shocked!

All this time- she thought she was at fault.  Her life with him was a drugged life- a numb life. She forgot what it felt like to breathe, laugh and giggle and live a FREE life!.."

“…The most violent of men are the ones who clothe themselves as sheep, they are the ones who rape you, break you, take your soul and kill you...”