Hurt people who have become toxic

Hello there J it’s been a while!

I have not posted up any of my writings for some time now. That doesn’t mean that I was not writing though. I have been writing lots. My emotions, my reality, anger, frustration sadness, happiness and tears were in those writings except I wrote them for me and not necessarily to share. It was my way of processing and dealing with emotions.

So I here I am. 

This post is about hurt people who have become toxic to just be around.

I have realised that many continue to judge you. It’s like people are so inadequate in their own lives that they feel the need to have an opinion on others and the way they live theirs.

I find that I am most judged when I am nice, kinder, understanding and patient. Though in my family I am most judged when I don’t smile, grumpy and stubborn (but I think they have realised this is a common trait and a facade and have ways to change this in an instant)

We talk about love, kindness, and being nice- It being something we so long for, yet we mock it when we experience it, we make fun of it and we label it as a weakness, or as something too “touchy feely” or leaving yourself bare for the world to see.

Many have said through conversations, stories and even things I have read, saying that in this big bad world, we need to learn to be tough, to be somewhat immune to the nastiness and to develop a tough skin. I often question this because I know, there is nothing much more difficult, then to attempt a genuine smile when you feel you have run out of options, to opt for kindness even when you know you have reached your ends in trying to make sense of this world. To intentionally love and to be kind each day is not easy. To acknowledge your pain and hurt is never easy. I think it’s easy to be tough and to develop a tough skin (whatever that means). I personally call it the easy way out.

We have created all these lies, we live lies and we battle lies with more lies. It’s sad when we contribute to this. I have been present in many spaces where people like to tear each other down. Some do it intentionally and to your face while others do it behind you. I have classified these groups of people into two categories. The first one is “I am an open book and this is how I feel and I don’t care how my words make you feel” (they are still hurt people who like to be seen in a better light) while the other group is “say all the nasty and mean things behind that persons back” (without any constructive analysis)-they are still hurt people but try and do it discretely with non-trustworthy people.

I have witnessed many hurt people who have projected their unhappiness, inadequacy, lack of self-confidence/self-esteem onto others. People who continue to carry their own baggage of pain and hurt have never really acknowledged the part they play in their own sadness or happiness. They only feel slightly better when they hurt someone and know that person is having a ‘shitty’ day.

Hurt people are pretty toxic especially when they don’t acknowledge it and make every effort in making others feel miserable. Most of these hurt people or toxic people come across as ‘tough’, ‘outspoken’, ‘I have the world by the balls’, but the difference between these hurt people and the rest is how they treat people. That’s often my indicator. I observe how they speak about someone, if it is coming from a good place or from a place that is filled with ill-feelings and hate.

I am blessed in the sense that I am surrounded by positive, genuine and loving people. Those who remind me when I am being nasty and allow me the time to reflect on my own actions and pain (that I may have unintentionally forgotten). They keep me in ‘check’ while I do the same for them.

So will you sit back and build up more unhappy/toxic people? What are you going to do about it?