Living and Loving Intentionally- reflection
Living and Loving intentionally is not something i dreamt up doing quite immediately, nor is it an empty mantra (saying it constantly but not actually 'doing' it).
To live and love intentionally was a realisation of mine few years ago when a long term relationship with the self (yes with the self) didn't go as planned.
I have spent so much of me, my energy, my heart, tears and money in making others happy that i forgot to love and live- to really love and live. Have you ever thought about doing this? its quite exhilarating i tell you!
Anyways after a breakup of my longest relationship, i realised i was unrecognizable. I honestly had no idea who i was. I stopped reading my favourite books, i stopped writing what i was passionate about, i stopped cooking for myself, i stopped buying and indulging in things that i enjoyed and i stopped myself from being surrounded by happiness, friends and positivity. What was more scary was realising that i had stopped doing a lot of things even before the breakup, i had lost me earlier in the process.
I traveled to Vanuatu and New York during this healing and soul searching time and it was this two places that i remember so vividly. It was like i was trying out the world for the first time. It was in Vanuatu, when i really savoured time with myself. I ate steak (ohhh my goodness it was sooooo good!) like it was my first. I enjoyed the cocktails that came with it and after. But Vanuatu helped put things in perspective for me. I looked back to more than 5 years of my life and i was not happy with what i remembered and wrote. The 5 year flashback was filled with so much hurt, pain and tears. I did not love and live intentionally at all.
Within a month or so, i travelled to NYC.
New York was crazy! I have been here way too many times now (have lost count) and being in NYC during my transition was simply astounding!
It was these two places that made me feel a certain way.
I felt goosebumps, i felt sadness for the old self and happiness knowing i was so close to finding me again. I did things i enjoyed, i ate my favourite foods and my travel buddy (aka my former boss, mentor/sometimes acts like a big sis or mum :-) ) introduced me to new people, took me to places and explained to me that the guy i was dancing with the entire evening/morning -the guy that invited me to his hotel for some coffee/tea was not really wanting to have tea/coffee with me but...i was honestly confused and started laughing when i realised how i had dealt with that situation. I told him, we had way better coffee machine (or coffee) and tea in our room (knowing my travel buddy loves her good coffee/tea), i even suggested some nice places in NYC but he was adamant about his hotel having the best... i just think humans are complicated at times- i prefer the upfront matter of fact conversations- just tell me what you want and lets see where the conversation goes...
Through out my process of travelling, meeting people, revisiting old places and rediscovering food, writing, and reading- i was slowly piecing myself together. I loved how i felt. I loved the new healed self. I didn't want to let go of who i became during the process. I made a promise to myself to try my hardest to live and love intentionally. To be open to walk away when things, life, situations didn't bring me love and life. To walk away if things didn't serve its purpose anymore. I vowed to give love and life and to get as much love and life back. If i didn't get it back- i walk away.
As we are nearing the end of this year- i must say my journey has been so beautiful. I love what i have quilted. I love my life tapestry. I am thankful. I am appreciative and grateful.
By the end of this year, i celebrate two years of relationship and friendship with my partner, i celebrate new beginnings, the birth of my child and my 5 grandchildren. I also celebrate spending quality time with the women in my life (my 3 mommas , sister and girlfriends), my nieces and nephews and broskis and dad.
I celebrate my friendships and the beautiful people i surround myself with.
I cook like i myself have 3 Michelin stars!
I think back to the early years of finding the self and to the present and i am still glowing. I honestly believe that love and life really does make a huge difference to our perspective on how we experience situations.
I was in NYC last year and came back with an additional piercing which ended up quite lethal later on but its out, i did a 'beyonce style booty shake, by the pavement in the middle of NYC to a group of randoms- i still dance with walls and close my eyes, i still order cocktails and try and drink everything on the menu (this is often once in a year kind of activity) and i honestly still think i have flying capabilities (i have wings)- and in a lot of ways i see that i am soaring!
I have continued to walk away intentionally.
I prioritise living and loving intentionally! Each day matters and i am so happy for the hard work i have put into my heart and soul.
I look back now and i smile at who i have become!
Now lets be happy and content when we are alive and when death nears- lets continue to be happy even after life!
What does your life look like? are you living and loving intentionally? do you even give a damn?!
To live and love intentionally was a realisation of mine few years ago when a long term relationship with the self (yes with the self) didn't go as planned.
I have spent so much of me, my energy, my heart, tears and money in making others happy that i forgot to love and live- to really love and live. Have you ever thought about doing this? its quite exhilarating i tell you!
Anyways after a breakup of my longest relationship, i realised i was unrecognizable. I honestly had no idea who i was. I stopped reading my favourite books, i stopped writing what i was passionate about, i stopped cooking for myself, i stopped buying and indulging in things that i enjoyed and i stopped myself from being surrounded by happiness, friends and positivity. What was more scary was realising that i had stopped doing a lot of things even before the breakup, i had lost me earlier in the process.
I traveled to Vanuatu and New York during this healing and soul searching time and it was this two places that i remember so vividly. It was like i was trying out the world for the first time. It was in Vanuatu, when i really savoured time with myself. I ate steak (ohhh my goodness it was sooooo good!) like it was my first. I enjoyed the cocktails that came with it and after. But Vanuatu helped put things in perspective for me. I looked back to more than 5 years of my life and i was not happy with what i remembered and wrote. The 5 year flashback was filled with so much hurt, pain and tears. I did not love and live intentionally at all.
Within a month or so, i travelled to NYC.
New York was crazy! I have been here way too many times now (have lost count) and being in NYC during my transition was simply astounding!
It was these two places that made me feel a certain way.
I felt goosebumps, i felt sadness for the old self and happiness knowing i was so close to finding me again. I did things i enjoyed, i ate my favourite foods and my travel buddy (aka my former boss, mentor/sometimes acts like a big sis or mum :-) ) introduced me to new people, took me to places and explained to me that the guy i was dancing with the entire evening/morning -the guy that invited me to his hotel for some coffee/tea was not really wanting to have tea/coffee with me but...i was honestly confused and started laughing when i realised how i had dealt with that situation. I told him, we had way better coffee machine (or coffee) and tea in our room (knowing my travel buddy loves her good coffee/tea), i even suggested some nice places in NYC but he was adamant about his hotel having the best... i just think humans are complicated at times- i prefer the upfront matter of fact conversations- just tell me what you want and lets see where the conversation goes...
Through out my process of travelling, meeting people, revisiting old places and rediscovering food, writing, and reading- i was slowly piecing myself together. I loved how i felt. I loved the new healed self. I didn't want to let go of who i became during the process. I made a promise to myself to try my hardest to live and love intentionally. To be open to walk away when things, life, situations didn't bring me love and life. To walk away if things didn't serve its purpose anymore. I vowed to give love and life and to get as much love and life back. If i didn't get it back- i walk away.
As we are nearing the end of this year- i must say my journey has been so beautiful. I love what i have quilted. I love my life tapestry. I am thankful. I am appreciative and grateful.
By the end of this year, i celebrate two years of relationship and friendship with my partner, i celebrate new beginnings, the birth of my child and my 5 grandchildren. I also celebrate spending quality time with the women in my life (my 3 mommas , sister and girlfriends), my nieces and nephews and broskis and dad.
I celebrate my friendships and the beautiful people i surround myself with.
I cook like i myself have 3 Michelin stars!
I think back to the early years of finding the self and to the present and i am still glowing. I honestly believe that love and life really does make a huge difference to our perspective on how we experience situations.
I was in NYC last year and came back with an additional piercing which ended up quite lethal later on but its out, i did a 'beyonce style booty shake, by the pavement in the middle of NYC to a group of randoms- i still dance with walls and close my eyes, i still order cocktails and try and drink everything on the menu (this is often once in a year kind of activity) and i honestly still think i have flying capabilities (i have wings)- and in a lot of ways i see that i am soaring!
I have continued to walk away intentionally.
I prioritise living and loving intentionally! Each day matters and i am so happy for the hard work i have put into my heart and soul.
I look back now and i smile at who i have become!
Now lets be happy and content when we are alive and when death nears- lets continue to be happy even after life!
What does your life look like? are you living and loving intentionally? do you even give a damn?!
Comments
Post a Comment