The wandering soul of the dragonfly monk

With the New Year here and all that bullshit people put up as their resolutions and goals…     …Are you one of those people that with each new year you decide to have a list of new years resolutions and promises?! Did you follow through with any of them, or did it simply become a list…a useless list, perhaps the only thing you did was exercise your mind (for a few brief seconds), perhaps used a pen and paper or to type it all up and shared it to everyone (on FB), mastered up the courage to proclaim to the world that these are the things that you will be working towards and in the process lie to yourself that you are going to achieve ALL of it…or simply try meet the goals you had set out. It’s great to have a list and expectations…but is it even realistic? Usually a lot of excuses and reasons come up as to why they didn’t achieve what they had set out initially early in the year, instead of acknowledging and accepting their situation in not making small ba

Divorce…Separation…what’s it like? What did you do? “A mix of cold sweats, heart beating faster than normal, twisted tummy with scared butterflies fluttering around and a feeling of yet another headache coming along when I think of divorce and separation”, and these are feelings and emotions I wrote down when I was in a “one digit” age group! At that young age, I knew exactly what I wanted and where I wanted to be in life. I knew that I was going to adopt children, I knew I was going to be very independent and that would mean working hard to challenge my INFJ tendencies and personality traits, but going through my old diaries and notebooks, I only see well written stories and articles of the situations of our world and a reminder that I didn’t need a ‘man’ to make everything complete. I was a child- how did I know all these things? Perhaps I knew something at that age that the adult me refused to acknowledge.   Well, I got married young in my early twenties and wa

If I had to write a letter to the ‘one that got away’, it would read like this… My dearest NLB, I will not ask God to turn back time because I don’t want to rewrite what has been written. I want to only ask for more time with you- just so that we can keep our promises to each other. I want more time with you so that we can create new memories of ‘us’ and spend our holidays and birthdays with each other. I am paying the price for my choices and I feel that we both lost, because you paid the price too. You told me how much I meant to you, I smiled with tears in my eyes and walked away- I thought time was our friend and that’s all you and I needed. I made a life changing mistake! I know I took the path, which you would never want for me. I put you through hell and brought you down to your knees with tears (your words…remember). I cried … and I knew I was wrong, but…please forgive me for what I did… We talked about our future, we talked ab

The likes of Kafka/Murakami/Hooks/Butler...turn me on Many have questioned my sexuality, while many have questioned my happiness and my choice to remain single. I mean, I don’t know why people find it so easy to ‘box’ or confine someone into a space that is so claustrophobic and when one admires the beauty of another, your sexuality is being judged and you are immediately categorised as the ‘other’. Perhaps I am too busy loving love, loving myself and loving people, that I don’t easily get affected or distracted by insignificant people and their insignificant opinions however I sure do wonder why people are like this. Is it because they feel so low about themselves that they look for a scapegoat or a reason to make themselves feel better about themselves? But how can one thrive in happiness by putting the other person down? My sexuality- well let me say that I have always been attracted to intelligence. I am attracted to deep conversations and meaningful r