The wandering soul of the dragonfly monk

"Tears are words that need to be written." -Paulo Coelho My dearest NLB They say that time will bring healing That these wounds will become scars That with time Grief becomes happiness Pain becomes strength I wish it was easier to accept  But time did not bring healing ~pain remains ~grief is ever so present ~while pain is just that - pain I am still angry at the world I am angry I, on many occasions, imagine, imagine, what you would be doing now would you still be flying with the birds? I imagine our conversations  would it still be the same?  would we still have a lot in common? would we still view the world the same way? I am angry  I am selfish because your passing was sudden I find it hard to accept I am angry That you were not able to see the world I am angry  that we didn't get to witness more of each others happiness and sorrows I am angry  that you are not here ...

What does it feel like to be happy? To smile from the heart and the eyes? To not fear the darkness To only see it as a shadow- behind you where it belongs To no longer live a life Filled with lies. What does it feel like to be amongst sunshine and dandelions? Does it make your heart happy and light? Does it? Does it take away all the pain and just like rain… Wash away all your tears and do you finally say, ‘ I am fine’? They said it was easy When you are happy, to not have a care in the world I think they lied They should not dabble with ‘make beliefs’ Because each day a part of me dies Time flies With each sunrise and sunset A ray of light stops shining And I take a step back A step back to where nothing grows My heart stops pining My emptiness attract Just like the river, loneliness flows Darkness My heart You can see It in my eyes Loneliness lives Breathes I can never be free

"and here you are living, despite it all" - Rupi Kaur “About a third of my cases are suffering from no clinically definable neurosis, but from the senselessness and emptiness of their lives. This can be defined as the general neurosis of our times.”  ―  C.G. Jung When was the last time you checked on a friend or a family member to see if he/she/they were doing ok?  I am aware that the more i get in touch with friends or family the more i realise that we are all struggling with our sadness and depression alone.  I have come to realise that we are surrounded by many sad individuals than happy ones.  At least 4 out of 5 people i know, are sad and depressed. In this week alone, i have been told how they are struggling to just live. I also am aware that i am struggling with energies and auras.  Many might be thinking that all i write about is the 'sad sappy sook' stuff. Why am i not writing about the 'happy stuff' ?! Well the truth is that we...

My lifestyle has always been a work in progress. I try to be the best version of myself. Sometimes I fail but that doesn't stop me from trying. This year, I am saying NO to the following: 1. Purchasing of clothes, shoes, jewelries and books. 2. Clutter 3. Processed food 4. Takeaway containers, cups and straws. 5. Not buying frozen meat especially chicken. I am saying YES to the following: 1. Healthy living 2. Organic and fresh food 3. Minimal lifestyle 4. Reducing carbon footprints 5. Reuse and recycle 6. Making more homemade jams, chutneys,  dips, oil, and spice mix. 7. Kindness, peace, faith, love and patience 8. Reading I will try my best to do the following: 1. Use of organic and eco-friendly makeups (I only use lipsticks, eyeliner and mascara ). 2. Buy less packaged products. 3. More gardening 4. Clearing of items and material possessions that no longer serves it's purpose. 5. Stepping away from toxic people and relationships. I am excited about the...

I initially started off with a long post, but then I ended up not saving my draft. I suppose it's a good thing. Thank you to the many individuals who have been part of my journey. Thankyou for all your love, support, patience and prayers. I am on recovery mode still. Had a 5 hour surgery requiring 3 bags of blood transfusion on the 15th December. Unlike many healthy people, my hemoglobin (Or as a dearest friend would say...' your hemo-goblin') count was on the low side. I had atleast 5 surgical procedures done during the 5 hours I was in theatre. All my tests came out clear and cancer free, which was amazing news! Endo (and Adenomyosis) were such pests that they had taken over my uterus, fallopian tubes,  ovaries, bowels,  ureter, bladder and was slowly reaching out to my kidney. I also found out from my doctor that my uterus weighed 8 times more than an average uterus which is around 80grams. So yes mine weighed around 680grms (>), ohhh and I am now somewhere betwee...

So one day i realised, that i was part of a movement of angry and unhappy feminists.  “If any female feels she need anything beyond herself to legitimate and validate her existence, she is already giving away her power to be self-defining, her agency.”  ―  bell hooks ,  Feminism is for Everybody: Passionate Politics Being angry and unhappy are not Negatives in my books. I think they are very healthy to feel as such. What we do and how we respond to these feelings are quite important and crucial. I identify as a Feminist. I am a Feminist.  15 years ago i used to be one of those young women who identified with the principles and values of feminism but was uncomfortable to identify as one- I was not confident in myself to say, " I am a Feminist". I had my own unsettling thoughts on being a feminist and i had to really dissect these thoughts to fully understand my position. Once i did that, i realised that calling myself a feminist was not a bad thing, it...

To the loves of my life...when I'm gone smile and be happy because you made our relationship intentional.  I have lost a few very close loved ones in my life-some by death and the others because of distance. Some of my relationships have died due to our personal differences, and our purpose in life has taken us in opposite directions. We no longer served each other any purpose or good. I often wonder if they left knowing, knowing that i really did love them. With our new virtual reality and life where we share pretty much everything online i see lots of people commenting about people they have lost. They share their last moments together, some share how much that person meant to them while others in most cases often talk about the regrets and the 'if only'. You see when i am gone (whether it be due to death or simply life has tasked me with another adventure), i hope 'we' know how much we 'mean' to each other. I have been making (or trying my be...