To the love that I never lost…

To the love that I never lost…

“I have watched love pass us both by

Not sure if it was meant for us or for someone else

And sometimes I wonder if we were even meant to be

I wanted to hold you till we died

I wanted you and only you

I loved you unconditionally

We both made a vow

A vow of ‘through it all’”

Love did not envelope me in her bosom the first time it happened, I was not sure if I should even love, let alone be worthy of love at that particular time in my life.

Out of a serious long-term relationship (with someone whom I dearly loved- knew we could never be happy together, we were simply two different individuals- and I broke his heart) and I got myself into this relationship that I knew was going to work.

I said goodbye to all the loves I had, I said goodbye to the love I had for myself and hoped that someday, someday that I could revisit all those loves with open arms again and happiness. Now I see, how young and scared I was at that particular time. 

But time passed with ease and I continued to imagine myself immersed in a love that would really make me bounce with the rays of sunshine.

When love finally stopped over, I had finally agreed that I was going to allow it to stay, and stay it did.

To love someone so unconditionally is such a beautiful feeling, a feeling that can never be put in words. Days always fell short of my love. I was overflowing with all the love I felt for him. It was indescribable, it was overpowering, and it was so real and I fell in love every time I felt it.

For the first time in my life, I had opened myself up and laid myself bare. You could see the love and sacrifice in all its form.

It finally dawned on me that this was the love that I had so long craved and yearned for. It was so real yet unreal because I never imagined feeling so much of these emotions for just one person.

Every so often, I would remind myself of one of the quotes from a favourite author, “The secret of happiness is to see all the marvels of the world, and never to forget the drops of oil on the spoon”- But this was always an after-thought and a tough reminder because I continued to marvel at the beauty infront of me and the intense and real love I felt for him that I forgot the ‘drops oil on the spoon’.

But one day, one day, my love was challenged. “It’s over”, he said.

I was in total shock!

I had lost myself and I thought I lost ‘love’ when this world of love I had created came crashing down.

But you see, the love I thought I had lost when he left was never gone- it was there all along.

This love held me together, the love that I had packed away and tried to ignore, held me close. This love cried with me, wiped my tears, kept me warm and made me realise that I never lost any love at all. I regained my strength and faith. I loved myself even more, and the love that I thought I had initially felt for that one person falls short to what I now feel for myself and for amazing beautiful souls. I now understand what love really is.

I now see all the marvels of the world, and continue to make sure I still have the drops of oil in my spoon!

I continue to smile and walk on sunshine, because the love I thought I had lost, was never lost in the first place because it found its way back to me…and with me it stayed…through it all.