The wandering soul of the dragonfly monk

Living and Loving intentionally is not something i dreamt up doing quite immediately, nor is it an empty mantra (saying it constantly but not actually 'doing' it). To live and love intentionally was a realisation of mine few years ago when a long term relationship with the self (yes with the self) didn't go as planned. I have spent so much of me, my energy, my heart, tears and money in making others happy that i forgot to love and live- to really love and live. Have you ever thought about doing this? its quite exhilarating i tell you! Anyways after a breakup of my longest relationship, i realised i was unrecognizable. I honestly had no idea who i was. I stopped reading my favourite books, i stopped writing what i was passionate about, i stopped cooking for myself, i stopped buying and indulging in things that i enjoyed and i stopped myself from being surrounded by happiness, friends and positivity. What was more scary was realising that i had stopped doing a lot of th

I have learnt to live with my disease. Over the years I have accommodated it, just like how you may at times be a gracious host to your guests, families and friends and do your best to accommodate them. Except my guest has stayed on for quite some time now- unannounced and is really testing my patience. I have taken hot water bags, painkillers, pills, extra socks and panties, pantyliners, spare change, sanitary pads and tampons, my ‘safe’ towel/blanket (it’s my little towel or blanket that gives me comfort in times of pain- I need it around me to be calm), hot water kettles, special food, buckets and warm clothing to a lot of places that I have traveled to. People laugh at me and make fun of my ‘bubu’ (aka nanna) ways- but I do this because of this disease. This post will be an ‘overkill’, my vent for the day/week/month/ year – something along those lines. Anyways back to this disease that I have learnt to live with. Ever since I was a teenager, I have had regular

Hello there J it’s been a while! I have not posted up any of my writings for some time now. That doesn’t mean that I was not writing though. I have been writing lots. My emotions, my reality, anger, frustration sadness, happiness and tears were in those writings except I wrote them for me and not necessarily to share. It was my way of processing and dealing with emotions. So I here I am.  This post is about hurt people who have become toxic to just be around. I have realised that many continue to judge you. It’s like people are so inadequate in their own lives that they feel the need to have an opinion on others and the way they live theirs. I find that I am most judged when I am nice, kinder, understanding and patient. Though in my family I am most judged when I don’t smile, grumpy and stubborn (but I think they have realised this is a common trait and a facade and have ways to change this in an instant) We talk about love, kindness, and being nice- It being so

On Children   Kahlil Gibran Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. They come through you but not from you, And though they are with you yet they belong not to you. You may give them your love but not your thoughts, For they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls, For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams. You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you. For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday. You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth. The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far. Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness; For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable. You see i can't have children, biological children that is.

The relationship i have with my body is sacred I treat it with utmost respect and love The Body  has warranted a war without consent become a battleground even for the self An atomic composition with curves and stretch marks That has become societies mouthpiece Have you heard your body call out  To recognise its worth To be a woman  who is comfortable in her own skin is rare! How often do you celebrate your body? Bodies have become symbols  of sex of insecurities of logos of power The Body  has been shaped by your definition of self-worth it has been sabotaged  The body has become an obstruction a disruption It has become your political buy-in A theatre of war My body  is what i feed it I feed it with Love and Respect Though the scars i carry are reminders of life They are celebrated  because they have become trophies A second chance to Life! The body  does not need your opinion My body  does not

I write because it gives me power.  I share some personal stories about myself, in hope that it would give another person reading this, power and strength to continue with their life.  This blog that i write today will be about the demon i have been fighting and i must say i have continued to win each and every time except for the past few months- it has made me think otherwise. My battle with my health has been a fucked up experience till date. From popping pills likes its no ones business, being cut open, and to be a guinea pig to the medical world simply because of the lack of research around this disease. The past two months has been quite difficult. You know why i say this- its because i 'laid myself bare' for the world to see how vulnerable and shitty i was actually feeling. I am an introvert and one of the things i hate, is showing or talking about my emotions to the majority (and even the minority away from my comfort space). But some may feel and say otherwis

This post is more of a reflection of my year 2015! I often try and steer clear from saying, "I am alive and for that i am grateful", mainly because being 'alive' does not equate to "life" for me.  For me, Life is more than just breathing in and out, working and making ends meet but its about living and loving MY life intentionally and with a purpose.  On a daily basis before i sleep- i often reflect on my day, on my actions and ask myself the following three things: 1. Did i do my best? 2. Was i being kind? 3. Did i love enough? These three things were my mantra and daily intentional reminders/questions especially during my separation and divorce few years ago. I didn't want a life spent on hating, regretting and taking out my anger, sadness and frustration on others let alone on myself.  For me to survive and truly be at peace and be in love (with the self first and others second), meant i had to intentionally do these th