The wandering soul of the dragonfly monk

“My child- I will find you. I see you smiling in the rays of sunshine- I see you sliding down the rainbows. I see you! In whatever form you come- you have become one with my soul and heart” (Spending time with these beautiful children- Agent Orange Rehab Centre Vietnam. photo: Victor Sapar) I close my eyes and I imagine tiny fingers, tiny nose and chubby cheeks. I imagine tiny hands gripping onto mine so hard they don’t want to let go. I imagine their mushy wet lil’ lips all over my face especially when they kissing their ‘momma’ with so much love. I smile, I feel all ‘chummy’, I feel immense love and immediately in ‘awww’ mode. I stop. I tell myself, “Come back to the real world Veen. Pull yourself together. It’s not impossible!!!” Tears stream down my cheeks, as I open my eyes, my heartbreaks, I feel a tight knot in my tummy- it hurts and then I slowly massage it. Purse my lips, thumb moves closely to my lower lip (a sign of nervousness and a...

I am a human version of a sponge! I have gotten to a point now that I can longer breathe that fresh air and am no longer sunkissed but rather ‘sunburnt’. Its tiring to be constantly listening to people’s whinging, whining, complaints, people gossiping, seeing people being nasty, saying mean things about each other to other people yet when it comes to them coming face to face to that person, they ‘wear’ a smile and are so lovely and pretend that everything is beautiful. Wouldn’t it save everyone hell a lot of energy, time and tears to just bloody tell the person how you feel?! (in a constructive non violent manner that is) What book is everyone reading? I clearly missed it- because from what I can see people keep on avoiding the problem yet they have the energy in the world to keep on replaying their story and each time its being replayed, it gets nasty and nastier. I have found myself recently being in a somewhat similar situation in the sense that everyon...

I have 28 intricate pieces of tattoos…how many do you have? Yes that’s no lie at all, I have 28 intricate pieces of tattoos and they make up my story, my journey and it tells of my life experiences. I got inked when I was 27-I got 27 intricate pieces of tattoos on the 27 th April (which is my birthday)…and who would have known that life was slowly going to change for me thereafter. Let me tell you a story about it… You see my body is quite sensitive. I have been living with a health condition or a disease for more than ten years that has no cure, it can only be managed- but it causes so much pain and yes-ugly scars, that remind me of medicines and surgeries- painful scars…I have scars that smiles a big smile ‘hip to hip’. I have scars from my chicken pox that I got when I was 16 but my body started ‘reacting’, when I turned 21 and it continues to cause so much pain and yes it’s a ‘living’ scar(s).   I have a scar near my belly button that was a result of ...

The many “other women” who now have become part of who I am. This post is dedicated to you! (* I always have been someone who would pour my heart, soul and tears onto paper as the ink in my pen articulates my feelings into words. Most of my writings have not been as direct, but this one is dedicated to the ‘other women’. I have gone through many “other women” to the point that I no longer consider them as the “other” but as just another woman who has a soul and has loved, and people like me got hurt in the process…such is life and for the experiences I had gone through has made me…me) “…When the ‘other’ is no longer the ‘other’, and its you who has now become the ‘other’, and the ‘other’ has become the one…” I have wondered and wandered. Yes I have…I ask myself why do people fall out of love, why do people not make it work- has our world become so ‘lazy’ and simply ‘comfortable’ that we no longer give a damn to what truly matters? I also ask myself why is it wh...

I have fallen in love…with a woman (…Well actually a few women) Yes I have fallen in love with a woman, well actually more than one woman and it has been like this for some time. In many ways, these women that I love so dearly (and some who have come into my life so recently) have in some way influenced and helped me be a better person (or be an amazing fairy or a mushroom or ‘Columbus’- as these are some names given to me by my crazies). They entered my life (or I entered theirs) and continued to bless it with so many beautiful memories and experiences. They have continued to shower me with so much love and appreciation for life that I can’t seem to imagine life without them. I love because of their love for me…I love “love” because of them I have fallen in love with these women: Ma- you see this woman here is the love of my life. She is my strength; it’s because of her experiences, love and strength that has made me who I am today.   I get my attitude f...

Ohhhh what’s cooking??!!! It was like eating rich chocolate cake layered with delicious cream and chipped chocolate, or perhaps it was almost like that warm lemon cake baked by my dear friend and some dreamed up lemon curd or some cream…oh… maybe it was like that stir fried lemon sesame seed eggplant ‘specially prepared by my other dear friend who despises eggplant itself, but you see... it is so delicious, that becomes a craving, that only more of that particular dish/baking is all that satisfies it and is the only answer to that craving… Caramelised with some sweet sweet lovin’ and a touch of cinnamon kisses and she got me hooked… She got me hooked by the ‘feast’ she had prepared of the mind, she had me ‘cooked’ at that smile that heated up the soul, and she had me all ‘moist’ just like that chocolate ganache. She got me hooked in the concoction she had stirred within my soul, but also got me pouring with sugar added to the ‘jar of lemonade’ I have come to c...

With the New Year here and all that bullshit people put up as their resolutions and goals…     …Are you one of those people that with each new year you decide to have a list of new years resolutions and promises?! Did you follow through with any of them, or did it simply become a list…a useless list, perhaps the only thing you did was exercise your mind (for a few brief seconds), perhaps used a pen and paper or to type it all up and shared it to everyone (on FB), mastered up the courage to proclaim to the world that these are the things that you will be working towards and in the process lie to yourself that you are going to achieve ALL of it…or simply try meet the goals you had set out. It’s great to have a list and expectations…but is it even realistic? Usually a lot of excuses and reasons come up as to why they didn’t achieve what they had set out initially early in the year, instead of acknowledging and accepting their situation in not making...